Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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