Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
false alarm. still invincible.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
