When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can't motorboat a personality
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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