apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
