I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
