Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
