He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
