a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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