I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I party with great urgency now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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