i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
