to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
