I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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