I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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