mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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