Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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