i just had sex bonerless
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
