i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
