Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
