barbara walters just said penis...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
