Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize