why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
