I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
