So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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