All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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