It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
