They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
