This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
