My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
