it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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