I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
