Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
