Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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