Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
