I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
