She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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