I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
