I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
