bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
