I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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