i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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