We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
