I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
