yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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