It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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