just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize