my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
did i just pee glitter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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