I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
