he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
