we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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