Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
