i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
