Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
