I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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