she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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