Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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