Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
