im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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