Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
