that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
FUCK WHALES
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
