I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
