is your mom at the bar?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
