I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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